If the local Barcelona press is to be believed, it's done! Or almost. Catalonia will finally break free from Spanish control, free itself from the shackles that are to blame for all the evils that afflict it. Demonstrators (from 600,000 to 1.5 million, depending on who you ask) gathering for the Diada from all over the region were clear: "We no longer want to be supportive of lazy illiterate people who rob us all of our money, we want to be free!" There isn't any shame in being selfish*. Well, what can you do, we’re in a crisis! And amnesia works quite well here too, especially if it allows you to forget that others, especially Northern Europeans, were generous enough not so long ago to get post-Franco Spain (and therefore Catalonia) back on its feet. Yes, you’re always someone’s gimp…
Ok, let’s not talk nonsense for hours here, for the common man, at the local café and at work, talking politics is a full-time job. So, not unlike teenagers slamming the door of the family home, let’s dream together with the right amount of humor (which is not so common in Catalonia...) of better tomorrows. Because, obviously, in everyday life, many things will change. The treaties are unambiguous; the future Catalan state will ipso facto be excluded from Europe, for a few years at least, until a possible integration into the European community. Out with the Euro, for instance, which will please the grumpy old men of the Northern League type**; they make up the main bulk of separatists. But they will have to change the currency back to the peseta. The state will also have to build or rebuild border crossings to Spain, of course, but also to France. The endless traffic jams going to and from Perthus will be a trip back in time... Catalan products will obviously be subjected to customs charges upon importation into the EC, Spain and France. It will also have to find new customers for local businesses: 47% of Catalan exports go to Spain.
I'll spare you the hassles inherent to the creation of a new state, the paperwork and the whole shebang. Incidentally, they will also have to think about paying diplomats and an army in order to protect this new nation which will be "as rich as Luxembourg" if you can believe a right-wing nationalist leaflet I picked up on the streets of Barcelona. The problem is, seeing the disastrous finances of Catalonia, Spain's most indebted region, and the dubious management talents of its local elected officials, I am afraid that they will have to start out with used equipment. Ok, so, a few vintage Kalashnikovs, a couple of old Patton tanks and one or two ancient Mosquitos is not bad for starters, it will do for Diada parades...
No more eccentricities at the dinner table, even if Ferran Adrià will be restored, with or without restaurant, as the World's and surrounding areas Greatest Cook. They will eat and drink flag in hand, they will ban Rioja, paella, sherry, Andalusia ham and Castilian lamb! Priorat, Penedes, Estrella Damm beer, Catalan onion, veal and escudella for all! Champagne will also be banned, replaced with the large bubbles of sparkling local Cava. One must suffer to be free!
The Spanish language will of course be banned from Catalonia, the Catalan language will be king in schools, in businesses and in private. The language police (this is not a joke, it exists!) will be reinforced in order to complete "linguistic normalization". The numerous regional television channels (sorry, national channels) will be the only ones allowed to broadcast on the territory and we will eventually become accustomed to the Jaruzelski-type Polish look of their presenters ... Catalunya über alles, to paraphrase the title of a movie that caused a scandal here.
There is one small problem, though; football, the national sport. It will take some getting used to, they’ll need to revise the classics, or rather, the Clásico. No more eternal clash with Real Madrid during the Spanish league. The Clásico of the new Catalan championship, sorry, the Clàssíc, as they say in the local dialect, could, for instance, be as follows: Barça/Sabadell, Barça/Figueras, Barça/Lérida... Mind you, football wouldn’t have to suffer per se, it could go back to being more village-y, closer to the people. Barca, with its abysmal deficit, had to sell its soul to Qatar, but under the new circumstances, it could finally stash away some savings and peddle its expensive stars to foreign clubs. The successors of Messi, Fabregas, Puyol, Xavi and Piqué will not have lost all; instead of spending hours in airplanes, they’ll be able to enjoy derbies with the locals from L'Hospitalet de Llobregat or Badalona and do their shopping at Ikea. Yes, independence will really be lots of fun. In the beginning anyway, before Barcelona takes to the streets to demand its independence from Catalonia, chanting: "We are sick and tired of paying for the poor!"...
* Do read the story in Le Monde which summarizes the situation quite well.
** Northern League types, left or right. Separatist crowds are politically very heterogeneous but united in their selfishness.
